"have a bath, you'll feel better."

I have had many individuals come and go, none of whom I regret having a type of interaction with, but nonetheless I am very blessed to have such a tight circle of family and friends. They have all either dealt with a mental health disorder themselves or have had someone close who also lives with a mental health problem; whether if it may be depression, anxiety, bipolar, etc.

I, myself, fall in to this category.

The way in which people who are willing to help yet, have no idea how to go about such an issue fascinates me. I say issue, merely since for an individual going through such state, it can be so overwhelming it becomes the only one problem that they see that is the cause of so much. It is not that they mean harm by trying, I believe the attempt at helping means more than if they succeed in helping at all; but the mere fact that it’s the most generic scenarios, individuals go to when not knowing what to say or how to go about a situation with someone who is living with a mental health problem, intrigues me.

I speak of experience as I write this, the ideology of trying to comfort somebody just by telling them to ‘relax’, ‘let’s talk’, ‘have a bath, it really washes away all the days’ worth of stress”, especially saying these to someone who has the entire world on their shoulders, and more added on top; mentally struggling to really grasp the reality, allowing their inner demons to snatch the light in which they should be grabbing on to with both hands and more to survive.

Prevention of the mental state deteriorating from the beginning, yes, I agree with all those 'go to' acts that help you to unwind and relax.

I don't know where I am going with this, maybe because I have spent quite some time recently reminiscing, and my most lowest moment where flight was my only option; this being down to the fact that I thought to have been alone, numb, unloved and much more, perceptions in which my own mind had created for me and had made me believed to have been true. I was ready, ready to feel something even if it was to be for only a matter of seconds. would it have been easy? would I have struggled? would I have felt something? would anyone miss me? could anyone just walk in and save me from what I was about to do? should I have made a noise to alert the people I loved? would I be missed? would I be found or forgotten about? To this day I do not know exactly how or why, but I made the best decision I could have possibly made in my life yet, and possibly of a lifetime.

I chose to live.

I chose to leave that bathroom unharmed.

I chose to give myself another chance at this game of life.

I chose to save myself.